Jiaozi

Thirteen

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

1 Corinthians 13:11

I am now officially the mother of a teenager. Bess turned 13 last week.

This has been coming for a while. It seems that 12 is the new 13. Bess has been acting teenager-y for the past year or so. She is nearly my height and wears shoes two sizes bigger than mine. She is strong and fit, one of the fastest girls in the eighth grade. (She could take me in a fight, I'm sure.) She went through a long tomboy phase, but lately she has been wearing mascara and doing things with her hair. She's so beautiful she takes my breath away. The day of her birthday she brought home a straight-A report card and paperwork to join the National Honor Society. She practices the flute, does her homework, and writes thank-you notes without being asked. For the third year in a row, she asked her friends to bring donations for a charity instead of gifts to her birthday party, all her own idea.

I feel nervous even talking about how awesome she is, because I don't want to tempt fate. It helps that she has a great group of friends, all good students and athletes who are well liked by other kids. I believe that a teen's friends are the biggest influence on how well he or she will come through the years between childhood and adulthood. If only it were possible to choose our children's friends, we'd have this teen thing licked. I consider myself lucky. Knock on wood.

But she is, after all, a teenager. And a teenager's job is the same as a two-year-old's: to explore her independence. So Bess sasses me and complains about having her picturetaken and slams doors and rolls her eyes and refuses to kiss us in public. It comes with the territory. We insist that she speak to us and her sisters with respect, but secretly we laugh at her occasional pissiness. She has to do it. If we don't let her rebel in little ways, she will be forced to rebel in big ways. We drop her off at a friend's house and let her get away without a kiss. We let her hide away in her room and play moody music and text her friends while doing her homework. And when she suddenly decides she needs me to sit right next to her for two hours and watch the DVD from Netflix that she previously complained was "lame," I go along with it, without comment. I'll take whatever closeness I can get before she flies the nest. (And that flight is so close! She'll be applying to college in four years.)

May will be 12 in a couple of months. Last month she spent a weekend cleaning her room. She boxed up her toys, her Chinese books, the napkins and toothpicks she had sneaked out of restaurants in China, old coloring books and crayons, Easter candy from 2006 -- all the stuff she's been hoarding since she arrived here. I will keep some of it for her memory box, and the rest will go to Goodwill. Her room is a teenager's room now, full of jewelry and perfume and clothes, with just a few token stuffed animals and collectible dolls. She still plays imaginative games with Ella when she thinks no one is looking, but she is growing closer and closer to Bess's developmental level. She is trying out her wings. Bess boxed up all her toys when she was 11. I did it when I was 12. So it goes.

When you first become a parent and people tell you, "They're not little for long"? They aren't kidding.

I'll stop now before I start singing, "Sunrise, Sunset."

Typealyzer

This little tool is taking the blog word by storm. Enter your blog URL into the Typealyzer, and it will analyze your blog and come up with an approximation of your (actually, your blog's) Myers-Briggs personality type. I got:

ISFP - The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of.

They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.

-----

My actual Myers-Briggs type is ISTJ, the Administrator, which sounds utterly dull. It's interesting that I would present myself as a more romantic figure. What's your blog type?

Twilight time

I think a lot of adults are reading the Twilight books now (we're about six months behind the youngsters, as Ed Sullivan used to call them), but I'll go ahead and throw my two cents out in case you're still trying to decide if it's worth your while. (I don't think there are any more spoilers in this review than there are in the movie trailers.)

As I've said, I don't read much fiction. I have a shelf full of wonderful novels that I've gotten halfway through before losing interest. I don't have the attention span to stick with a story that's slow to build. I picked up the Twilight novels to see what the fuss was about and to learn why my daughter loved these books as she has never loved any book before. As it turned out, YA fiction is probably about right for my middle-aged attention span, so I had no trouble reading straight through those books during the last two weeks of summer. The last time I read a book that fast was when the final Harry Potter book came out. So the books definitely have speed on their side, a plus for busy moms.

Literary masterpieces they are not. J. K. Rowling has nothing to worry about, much less Jane Austen. Stephenie Meyer is a competent writer, but not a great one. The writing is heavy on description -- every fragrance is exquisite, every expanse of skin like marble, every touch electric. The books are essentially gothic bodice-rippers, without the actual bodice-ripping. Think heaving bosoms safely encased in down vests. They offer just the right balance of thrills and safety for young teen girls who are just beginning to be aware of their own sexuality.

Conventions of the genre aside, the writing is sloppy. My professional judgment is that Meyer was not well served by her editor or copy editor. There are frequent typos, ungrammatical sentences, dangling constructions, misplaced commas, and continuity problems. I don't think it's realistic to expect writers to be copy editors. Someone should have helped her out.

And -- this would bother only a grammar pedant, I suppose -- Meyer has an annoying habit of using "like" as a conjunction. Often. Open any of the books to a random page:

"...averting his face like he smelled something bad."

"'Like I said, it's not as easy for me....'"

"...I flinched like I'd been Tasered."

I understand that sometimes it is necessary to bend the conventions of grammar. I certainly do it when I blog. Overly fastidious attention to grammar can make speech sound stilted. An occasional errant "like" might be okay in dialogue, though I'd expect more from a vampire who has been going to school for most of the past century. But in narration, even first-person narration? And so often? Is she allergic to the phrases "as if" and "as though"? You don't have to be a grammar buff to hear how awkward these constructions are.

Anyway, it grated on me, and I was disappointed as I moved from book to book to find that the editing got more sloppy, not less.

There are also some disturbing aspects to the plots, mostly relationship and personal choices that don't seem especially healthy. And Meyer's Mormon faith constrains her plot decisions; this is understandable, and I wouldn't expect her to betray her beliefs even in fiction, but the chasteness of the characters strains credulity, and she gets in some digs against evolution, Sunday Christians, and abortion that seem misplaced.

That said -- I would still recommend these books for both teens and adults. Females, that is; there aren't many males out there who will get past the first few chapters. As annoyed as I was by the writing, when I finished the fourth book I felt terribly sad, and I missed the characters as strongly as if they were real friends who had suddenly moved away. That's why Bess is still rereading the books, trying to recapture that feeling.

For all her weaknesses, Meyer has a gift for creating characters who seem real and alive -- or undead as the case may be -- and more than a little familiar. My guess is that most of the girls and women reading the books see themselves in Bella, who is smart, sensible, a little bookish, physically clumsy, and completely unaware of her own unique beauty. I certainly saw my 16-year-old self in her. Edward is every smart girl's ideal boyfriend -- well read but athletic, romantic but a little dangerous, beautiful but unexpectedly in love with her. Bella can never quite believe that Edward truly loves her, and he can't believe that she doesn't know how appealing she is. Sigh, right? Meyer must have vivid recollections of her teen years, because she captures perfectly the ecstatic highs, the crushing lows, the excitement, the boredom, the bravery, and the uncertainty of those years. 

Tomorrow the movie opens and I'm taking seven teenage girls to see it for Bess's 13th birthday party. I've already bought the tickets. I'll go with them and sit in the back so they're not too embarrassed. There will be squealing. I'm just going as a chaperone. No interest in the movie at all. I'll try to look bored. The girls don't need to know that my inner 16-year-old will be squealing too.

Reading rainbow

All I wanted to do this past summer was lie on a hammock and read. We don't have a hammock, or even a chaise longue. And I didn't have time to read because I was shuttling children to and from activities and trying to keep them occupied. But it was still a little daydream of mine.

I learned to read early and almost always had a book going. My parents gave me nice hardcover books for Christmas and birthdays, beautifully written Newbery award winners, and I read them. But I didn't love most of them, and I read them more out of a sense of obligation. The books I loved I read over and over again -- everything written by Louisa May Alcott; Laura Ingalls Wilder's "Little House" books; Rumer Godden's books about dolls; Greek mythology. If I was ever bored, I just had to pick up one of these books and fall into their lovely worlds for a while.

As an adult, I'm not much of a fiction reader. Every once in a while I come across a fiction book I really enjoy, but for the most part I read literary nonfiction -- biographies, essays, histories -- and those dreadful parenting books. Whatever I can squeeze in during the 15 minutes I have to read before I turn off the light and go to sleep. But I still remember lazy summers spent in the company of Jo, Laura, Nona, and Athena, and long to go back there.

Coincidentally, this was the summer that Bess and May really fell in love with reading. Bess read early like me, but she didn't read much by choice until she was in fifth grade, and even then there were other things she'd rather do. May only learned to read English three years ago and has been working to catch up to grade level.

But I told the kids that they were forbidden to say the "b" word ("bored" -- I always warn them that if they say it, I'll give them a chore to keep them busy), and I let them know that if you can read, you need never be bored.

Bess nonchalantly said, "There's this book I'd like to get. I've heard it's pretty good." I took her to the bookstore and she bought a copy of Twilight. She devoured it. She had to have the next two books in the series right now. She read day and night. When she was finished, she reread all three books in sequence while waiting for the fourth book to be published. When the fourth book came out, she and her friends traded text messages and squealing phone calls. After she finished that book, she went back to the first one and read the series again. (The same way I used to read Little Women, Little Men, and Jo's Boys.)

May didn't know what she wanted to read this summer. I took her to the library. There was nothing interesting in the children's section. Then she found the young adult fiction and dug in. She has a knack for finding the right books for herself. She likes reading about other people's misery, but she avoids anything too mature in subject matter. She reads mostly books about young teen issues -- divorced parents, unrequited crushes, problems with friends and cliques. She found several series that involved magic, which she enjoys. As the summer went on, her reading pace picked up. She is now going through two or three books a week, even with school in session.

It did my heart good to see Bess and May each curled up on a bed or couch with a sleeping cat nearby and a book in her hands. I envied them being able to lose themselves in a different world, oblivious to their surroundings for hours at a time.

Finally, in mid-August, I got my chance to read when we went on our summer road trip. And it was such a pleasure to be able to lose myself in a new world for hours at a time, because after Bess got through with the Twilight books? I grabbed them. And I was hooked.

I'll post my review later.

Playing the culture card

Ella was eating rice at the kitchen table, holding the bowl right under her chin and scooping the rice into her mouth. I gave her The Look.

"Mom!" she said. "I'm Chinese! Cut me some slack!"

Wow.

Wow.

Countdown

I'm feeling a bit more upbeat today. We've run out the clock, and I'm hoping for the best. But isn't it sad that so many of us do not feel comfortable with a mere 7% lead in the polls because it doesn't allow enough of a cushion to make up for electoral monkey business? Yikes.

I feel as though I want to explain why this election is so important, why feelings are running so strong in the blogging world. I guess if you're part of it, you already know. But I want to go on record with my feelings, because this is such a historic moment.

It's not just that I agree with Obama's positions. I agreed with Al Gore's and John Kerry's positions, but I was not so much enthusiastic about their candidacies as I was dismayed by George W. Bush's. And it's not just that Obama has run a fair and honorable campaign while McCain and Palin and their minions have behaved shamefully. Democrats usually do run decent campaigns (sometimes to their detriment).

It's because of who Barack Obama is and all that he represents. It's because he makes me feel proud and hopeful about America. It's because he speaks for the disenfranchised of every stripe. It's because he's smart and works hard. It's because his wife is smart and works hard. It's because I get goosebumps when he gives a speech, the same way I felt even as a child about Martin Luther King, Jr., Jack Kennedy, and Bobby Kennedy. It's because he makes me want to make America better, and makes me feel that we can do it.

You Know Where You Are With commented previously, "It's race. It's always race." We were speaking about racial prejudice, the "ugliest subtext." But race can also be about pride and identity and heritage. It doesn't have to be a bad word or a taboo subject. And it does play a part in my support for Obama. I hate to bring it up because then someone will say, "Oh, so you are voting for him because he's black," just as people said that Colin Powell was endorsing Obama because he's black. And that's so simplistic that it's just plain wrong. It suggests that we would still endorse Obama if we disagreed with his positions or didn't think he had enough experience. Which doesn't give us much credit.

This election is about race. It's about race for those who are worried that minorities are "taking over," for those who think prejudice is a thing of the past, for those who care about justice and equality and know they are still a dream for many. That's why I get a lump in my throat when I read stories like this one of FiveThirtyEight (skip to the last six paragraphs) or this one at TPMand get tears in my eyes when I watch videos like this one at Huffington Post(hankie alert!) or this one at Daily Kos. We need this so much.

Race is huge part of our history in America. It's part of who Barack Obama is. It's part of who Michelle and Malia and Sasha are. It's part of who I am. And it's an important part of who my daughters are. If this election has done nothing else, it has brought race to the forefront of our national consciousness. Let's keep it there.

Gratuitous Halloween pictures

Here are pictures of my not-so-little trick-or-treaters, representing Dorothy Gale, Candy Corn, and Piplup. I sewed this year, but the costume choices were all theirs.

     

I think Converse All Stars make an excellent substitute for ruby slippers, don't you?

Trying to keep my eyes on the prize

I didn't want to write any more about the election. I'm just about worn out and feeling rather discouraged. But in his "closing argument" speech, Sen. Obama urged us to keep knocking on doors. So this is my way of knocking on doors.

The news media are reporting that the race is tightening. I am trying to reassure myself that it is not a bad thing to hear this. We need to maintain a sense of urgency. We can't afford to become complacent and let a single voter feel that his or her vote is not needed. So a little fear is a good thing.

At the same time, it's just terribly dismaying. Look at the two campaigns. How is it possible that the gaff-prone McCain-Palin campaign is doing so well against the articulate and inspiring Obama-Biden ticket?

I understand the single-issue voters, I really do. I have many friends who are evangelical Christians and even more who are Mormons. I respect their position on abortion, and given their feelings, I don't see how they can vote any other way but Republican, no matter how they feel about the ticket. I know people who are old-school Republicans who can't imagine ever voting for a Democrat (though some of them are doing just that this year). And then there are those who won't vote for Obama on the basis of race, or because they're afraid they'll have to give up their guns, or other reasons that I don't understand or sympathize with.

But only about a quarter of the U.S. population consists of evangelicals. Registered Democrats outnumber registered Republicans nationally. Bush's approval ratings are down to 27%. Some very famous Republicans are endorsing Obama. So how is it that McCain is pulling in between 44% and 46% in nationwide polls?

It must be those crazy undecided voters that David Sedaris wrote about in The New Yorker (an elitist publication if there ever was one). The ones who would rather vote for the devil they know than the potential angel they don't know because it's "too risky." I fear that while we've been laughing at the ridiculous and sleazy claims made by the McCain-Palin campaign, their words have been seeping into the spongelike brains of the fence-sitters. So-called undecided voters have heard phrases like "spreading the wealth," "Joe the plumber," and "the real America" and mistakenly thought they applied to themselves. It's easier than actually studying the issues. Nobody can remember the last time John McCain uttered the words "middle class," though "wealth" comes up a lot. He claims he's not George W. Bush, but he keeps promoting the same misnamed trickle-down economics that have diminished the middle class over the past two decades and concentrated wealth at the top. It's the wealthy whose taxes he doesn't want to raise, not yours, my friends.

I'm afraid that ugly phrases like "palling around with terrorists" and attempts to claim that Obama is Muslim (not that there's anything wrong with that, for crying out loud, it just isn't true) or anti-American have taken hold as well. The McCain campaign has brazenly appealed to the population's baser instincts, calling forth the evil spirits of racism and xenophobia. They've repeated the same groundless claims so many times that the naive must be assuming, "Well, if it weren't true, they couldn't say it."

Make no mistake: race is a huge issue in this campaign. Conservatives throw around terms like "socialist," "communist," and "Marxist" as if they were synonymous, but in fact "Obama is a socialist" is code for "Obama will take money away from hard-working white people and give it to lazy black people on welfare." The McCain-Palin campaign shamelessly capitalizes on this subtext, and people fall for it the same way they fell for it in 1980. It's ugly.

I get a sinking feeling when I think about this, a sickening sense of déjà vu. People claim they dislike negative campaigns, but what they really mean is that they don't like it when the other guy is negative. Sleazy tactics have worked in every campaign in recent memory. From Willie Horton to the Swift Boat Veterans, from push polling to robocalling -- the dirty tricks that Lee Atwater invented and Karl Rove used against McCain in 2000 are the same ones he's using against Obama now. It's appalling. And once again, a certain segment of the public is falling for it. I don't want another surprise like the ones we had in 2000 and 2004.

I know there are lots of scared white people. They are afraid of change. They are afraid of losing "the real America," an America made up of quiet towns populated by people who are all the same color and economic status, who worship at the same little white church and espouse the same "traditional values." Towns like Mayberry, where Sheriff Andy kept law and order, or Mayfield, where the Beaver learned life lessons from his pipe-smoking dad.

But that America never really existed except in people's imaginations. And those mythical little towns excluded a lot of people -- non-Christians, people of color, free thinkers, gays and lesbians, the handicapped, the poor. They are not an accurate reflection of the real America of today. It's time for true change, not the same old wine in new bottles. Barack Obama offers us our best hope to create an America that is truly inclusive and fair to all. I cannot bear to see us miss this opportunity.  

And look -- even Sheriff Andy is voting for Obama! (Warning -- the audio starts right away. But it's worth watching. Over and over.)

NoBloPoMo

Oh, heck no. I'm not doing it this year. Two blogs to deal with, the election to obsess over, the holidays to plan for (and prepositions to end clauses with) -- it's too much. I did it last year and that gave me bragging rights enough to last a couple of years at least. How about you?